How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
