You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
