It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
