You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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