Yo dont text me then not text me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
