He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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