I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
