I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
