He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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