I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
