wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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