I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
