So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
