You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
