I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
