The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
