my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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