oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Drake has all the answers
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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