We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My pussy is not your playground.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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