ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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