Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
