we made out on top of his cat.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
