I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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