You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
