Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
