He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
