Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
this is an emotional support booty call
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
