he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
