FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
