Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
