Small penises have feelings too.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
