if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
