he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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