I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
