how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
