good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
