Where is the hickey?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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