Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
