my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
