At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
