I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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