yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
