omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
