it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
