Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
