so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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