They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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