Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
