headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
