My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
