i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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