He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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