I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She's the barista slut.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
