Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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