There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
