so that wasnt chicken after all
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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