now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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