She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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