Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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