Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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