this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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