I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
